The Reality of Being Part of the Sandwich Generation

Supporting aging parents while raising children has many middle-aged Canadians struggling to protect their own financial futures.  

The “sandwich generation,” a group I personally belong to, is continuing to grow. Longer life expectancies mean our parents require extra care later in life, while rising living costs are causing delays in financial independence for our children’s generation.  

As a financial planner, I see how common and overwhelming these challenges have become for the clients I work with. And I can certainly relate, as someone navigating them firsthand. 

Caught in the Middle 

One thing I’ve noticed is that cash flow (which refers to the amount of money coming in and going out of one’s finances) is under constant pressure for many in the sandwich generation. Many of us are balancing  expenses related to our children—such as RESPs (Registered Education Savings Plans), tuition, and day-to-day activities—while also helping our parents with medical expenses, housing needs, and daily support. This balancing act impacts us not only financially, but from a time management perspective as well.  

Competing demands often lead to tough trade-offs, like cutting back on retirement savings to support others. They can create a sense of guilt around “choosing” between generations. And of course, many of us also worry about becoming a burden ourselves one day.  

Beyond the financial strain, the emotional load is heavy. Ongoing stress and the feeling that everyone is relying on you can lead to burnout. So, what can we do to make things feel more manageable?  

Tips for Getting Unstuck 

If you’re a member of the sandwich generation who’s feeling the squeeze, here are a few tips to help you regain financial control. 

See the Whole Picture - My first suggestion is always to gather the data and get a clear picture of the money coming in and going out. From there, it helps to separate core needs from discretionary spending—and make decisions accordingly. 

Determine Where to Cut Costs - Once a budget has been built, it’s easier to spot silent financial leakage, like auto-renewed services that no longer add value or subscriptions that are rarely used.  

Protect Your Financial Future - It’s impossible to fund everything at once, and sacrificing long-term stability is rarely the right answer. Protecting your emergency fund and retirement contributions can go a long way toward creating a sense of security.  

Start the Conversation - Some of the hardest steps that members of the sandwich generation must take are related to conversations with parents and children. Avoiding these discussions can create bigger financial and emotional challenges down the road. Here’s what to keep in mind before discussing: 

• With parents, it’s important to be open about finances and set realistic expectations. It helps to discuss housing plans and preferences for future care. 
• With children, the goal is to get on the same page about education costs, living at home, and how important it is for them to take responsibility for their own finances (of course, teaching them skills to help them succeed can be an important part of that). 

Set Boundaries - To protect our well-being, we must set boundaries without feeling guilty. Often, that means sharing the load with family members (siblings can be especially helpful) or professionals (such as financial planning or mental health experts). It’s just as important to build support systems as it is to build savings. 

Finding Support Can Make All the Difference 

For members of the sandwich generation, working with a Certified Financial Planner^® professional or Qualified Associate Financial Planner™ professional can take some of the pressure off when priorities start to clash. We’re trained to help with cash flow management, retirement projections, education funding, insurance planning, and even estate and incapacity planning.  

Beyond the numbers, having a plan in place can help you build your financial confidence. It’s important to know that your plan can adapt as life throws you curveballs. You don’t need to have all the answers today. It’s about being prepared, not about being perfect.  

Lastly, remember that supporting your kids and aging parents doesn’t have to come at the expense of your own future. I’ve always liked the quote, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.” In other words, taking care of your own financial well-being first makes it easier to support others more effectively.  

To find a CFP^® professional or QAFP^® professional who can help you balance competing financial priorities, visit the Find Your Financial Planner tool now. 

Alim Dhanji, CFP, is a Senior Financial Planner at Assante Financial Management Ltd. in Vancouver.